itsnotokCT - Prevention and Education - For Parents

Some tips for preventing sexual abuse of your child with IDD

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network provides some helpful tips on protecting children from sexual abuse:

• Avoid focusing exclusively on “stranger danger.” Keep in mind that most children are abused by someone they know and trust.
• Let children know that they have the right to make decisions about their bodies. Empower them to say “no” when they do not want to be touched, even in non-sexual ways (e.g., politely refusing hugs) and to say “no” to touching others.
• Make sure children know that adults and older children never need help with their private body parts (e.g., bathing or going to the bathroom).
• Teach children to take care of their own private parts (i.e., bathing, wiping after bathroom use) so they don’t have to rely on adults or older children for help.
• Educate children about the difference between good secrets (like surprise parties—which are okay because they are not kept secret for long) and bad secrets (those that the child is supposed to keep secret forever, which are not okay).
• Trust your instincts! If you feel uneasy about leaving your child with someone, don’t do it. If you’re concerned about possible sexual abuse, ask questions.
• Teach your child about private body parts. It is often helpful to define “private” body parts as the parts covered by a swim suit. Use pictures or instructional dolls to show what you mean.
• Teach your child about privacy and how some things are only done in private. Help your child define private spaces in the places where he spends time. For example, your child’s bedroom with the door closed is private as is a stall in a public bathroom.
• Model respect for your child’s personal space and physical boundaries by asking permission or declaring what you are going to do before touching him. Sometimes we inadvertently teach children to be helpless, passive, or compliant by doing things and making decisions for them. We help children learn healthy boundaries when we allow them some independence and input on decisions affecting them.
• Advocates recommend using concrete concepts like “red flag” and “green flag” to help children understand touch that is okay or “green” versus touch that is not okay or “red.” Start by specifically addressing genital touch and when genital touch is okay (e.g. when getting help from a parent or caregiver with personal care or when being examined by a doctor) and when genital touch is not okay (e.g. when someone asks your child to show his genitals or asks him to look at or touch their genitals).
• Use the touch situations your child experiences regularly to define specific touches that would be considered “green flag” as well as those that would be “red flag.” For example, a “green” touch would be when your child’s caregiver helps him to wipe his bottom after using the toilet and a “red” touch would be the caregiver rubbing your child’s bottom when he is not using the toilet.
• Once you’ve helped your child define specific touches as “green” or “red”, look for opportunities to practice determining whether touches are “green” or “red” and how to respond to “red” touches.
• It is very important for children to understand that touching rules are for everyone. Just as it is not okay for someone to give them a “red” touch, they should not be touching others with “red” touches.

-STOP IT NOW!

Tip Sheet: Family Safety Planning for Parents of Children with Disabilities | Stop It Now

What else can you do?
Advocate for your child to receive “sexual education” while still in school.

If your child has already graduated from school, consider signing your child up for the DDS Healthy Relationships Series.  These sessions provide information such as:

• Different types of relationships
• Healthy vs non-healthy relationships
• Consent & boundaries
• Sexual health basics

You can access more information about these sessions here: Healthy Relationships (ct.gov)

Some other resources we can link to:
Consent and Kids with Disabilities - Rooted in Rights
Creating a Plan for Safety | Stop It Now
Tip Sheet: How To Talk To Your Child To Reduce Vulnerability To Sexual Abuse | Stop It Now
Tip Sheet: Family Safety Planning for Parents of Children with Disabilities | Stop It Now
What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey, Bruce D. Perry | Audiobook | Audible.com